People often ask me, "How do you do it?"
Well, I never started off intending to be a full-time live-in caregiver. I was a carefree advertising artist and photographer. Events, however, conspired to turn me in a completely different direction. The main things that allowed this to happen were the facts that I was available and was willing to do the job in exchange for a place to stay and reasonable amount of pay. I had nothing to hold me back from going anywhere at any time. I had no family, no wife, no children, no significant other and no pets. Likewise, I owned no home or a vehicle. I was totally free of personal anchors and responsibilities.
My new career started innocently enough. I had a number of friends who travelled from time to time and they asked me to come watch over their homes while they were away. They knew that I was competent and trustworthy, so everything always worked out well. Eventually, some of these projects turned into long-term assignments. And those transitioned from simple house-sitting duties to taking care of adults with varying needs.
Here are 15 caregiving assignments I have performed that might give you a very limited portrait of what caregiving can be like:
1. - For roughly one year, I functioned as the "man around the house" at a rural Midwest property. This was a small bed and breakfast, organic farm and residence for a single mother and her teenage daughter. I lived on site, providing a male security presence and second pair of hands. In terms of the farm, I managed the care and feeding of 40 chickens, and helped to plant and harvest a variety of vegetables. On Wednesday afternoons, I would accompany the owner and her daughter to a small weekly market where we would sell our produce and eggs. As for the bed and breakfast, I would assist in the preparation for receiving the guests. Also for various parties we would have. Concerning the teenage daughter, I would help her with her homework, and drive her to her piano lessons and 4H meetings. I would also shuttle visitors and interns back and forth from the property, run errands, and make bank deposits. Otherwise, I helped out with numerous projects around the house. This was a very satisfying time in my life.
2. - I was asked to come reside with a couple I knew in their early 60's who had health and emotional difficulties. My primary function was to remain nearby in case of emergency, and to perform minor chores. I was available to the couple 365 days a year and helped supplement two weekday assistants / caregivers. The female client had lupus, which diminished her physical capabilities. Mostly, however, she suffered from a collection of phobias that gave her severe panic attacks when she was alone by herself, so someone trustworthy had to be nearby at all times. Also, her phobias prevented her from traveling more than 4-5 miles from her residence. The male client, now deceased, suffered from early onset Alzheimer's. During the first year of my stay, he lived at home with his wife, and I would shuttle him to a nearby assisted living facility for regular day-care visits. Eventually, the husband was permanently moved to a an ALF center. Tending to his mental condition and treatment created much stress and anxiety for my female client. My presence in the house was designed to help minimize this stress. Once the husband was absent from the home, my function transitioned to helping the wife get out and become more socially active. I accompanied her to various locations and activities and "shadowed" her covertly when she met with other people.
3. - I was asked by a college acquaintance of mine to come oversee his aging father. My task was to observe and assist the 94-year-old retired physician, who had hearing, vision and balance difficulties. The well-known doctor was quite alert and mentally functional, but was starting to show some signs of decline. He generally lived alone and cooked for himself, but no longer drives. I would typically visit him at home between 11:00 am and 3:00 pm daily to make sure he was alright, and to take care of any needs he might have. I often helped him with computer problems, telephone calls and mail issues. In this way, I intercepted situations that might otherwise interrupt the work flow of his adult children. I also took him to medical exams and other meetings, plus assisted him with his shopping. At the request of his family, I photographed all of his personal possessions and placed the images online for his family to review. The long-term goal was to sell his house and transition him into the home of his son. For several months, I assisted in the general disposal of his unwanted property.
4. - I was invited to come live briefly with a close friend of mine who had recently undergone orthopedic surgery. My friend's wife and infant son traveled to Europe for three months leaving behind his 88-year-old mother, who deals with significant vision problems. My task was to lend a helping hand around the house while my friend recovered from his operation. I drove him to his frequent physical therapy appointments and took his mother on small journeys outside of the house. Otherwise, I assisted with minor household chores, such as taking out the trash and preparing breakfast for the elderly mother.
5. - I was asked to go to visit a nearby town to temporarily live with and watch over a friend's 90-year-old parents who were about to move into an increased care section of their retirement community. Both parents had daily health issues to deal with. The father had recently had a heart valve replacement and was having trouble adjusting to his numerous medications, which I organized for him. The mother was struggling with severe lower back and leg pain. I would observe their conditions, take notes, and help them with minor chores around the house. Mostly, I would take them to medical and hair appointments, and drive them to stores and restaurants. I also helped them with various television and computer issues. At the end of my stay, I helped to move them and their belongings into their new apartment.
6. - For a brief period, while the principal adults of a household were traveling, I watched an elderly woman in her 80's and a 19-year-old girl with autism. I made sure that the elder received her pills and was fed. I also kept the teenager on track with her school and activity schedule.
7. - On Christmas Day one year, I learned that one of my close friends received a complete lung transplant. After she left the hospital in late January, I received a call from her requesting that I come live with her and her husband for several months as she healed and regained her strength and confidence. I believe my primary duty was to simply help relieve the high degree of anxiety created by both the surgery and the new medications she was taking. Aside from that, I helped her with various household tasks because she could not lift or apply force with her upper body. I assisted her with walking, exercises and going up and down steps. Often, she would send me out to pick up things from the local grocery store and pharmacy. One very important aspect of my assignment was to adapt to the many health precautions that were called for by her doctors. I was asked to read a sizable binder full of information relating to her medications, dietary requirements and potential medical hazards. As a result, I needed to help keep the home environment free of bacteria and toxins. I likewise had to limit my exposure to other people, animals and other forms of contamination outside of the home.
8. - Once again, I watched my friend's 89-year-old mother and dog while he and the rest of his family went to visit relatives cross country. For 8 days, I took his mother on daily outings to parks, gardens, museums and stores. I fed and medicated both the mother and the pet several times a day.
9. - An acquaintance on mine hired me to return to my old neighborhood and live with his 88-year-old mother. This petite lady was recovering from recent difficulties stemming from an intestinal blockage. She also had a heart condition, vision and memory problems, with a bit of dementia. My duties included companionship, meal preparation, administering mediations, and getting her outside for walks and gatherings. This assignment was cut short due to difficulties brought on from medications she suddenly stopped taking.
10. - A friend of mine found himself alone in his house with his elderly mother because his wife and son had gone on their annual trip to Europe. The mother demanded constant attention which kept my friend from leaving his house or getting any work done. I moved into his basement for 10 months and we took alternating shifts attending to his mom. We also had hospice workers and regular visitors in attendance. Most of the time, she simply sat in her recliner and watched documentaries on TV or listened to music. I assisted her with her meals and getting her to the toilet. Occasionally, I would wheel her out onto the back deck so she could get some sunlight and fresh air. Sometimes I would sleep upstairs in the room next to her because she would get agitated in the middle of the night. After bed time, her dementia converted her from a very kind, soft-spoken lady, to a an extremely paranoid and belligerent individual. She suffered from Alzheimer's and had a very difficult time swallowing. Eventually she passed away and I moved on to my next assignment.
11. - For 11 months I moved in with the disabled client I had been servicing one day a week for some time. This was coordinated through a local care management organization. She was 69, overweight, and had a number of physical complaints, including chronic fatigue syndrome and multiple chemical sensitivities. I performed a wide range of house-keeping duties for her and drove her to appointments and places she could shop.
12. - I was recruited to come take care of a 102-year-old woman who was living alone in a large house. She was extremely active and seemed to be in good health. My primary duties were to help her up and down the stairs, assist her in soaking her feet, and attending to her pet cats. And to fulfill general requests. She had no trouble cooking and cleaning the house by herself. She also had an art studio and would paint almost every day. Her 4 adult children would come by for visits frequently, and this would give me a bit of a break. Sadly, she passed away suddenly after I was only there for a couple of weeks.
13. - I was asked to become the live-in care-giver for a well-known local artist who was 81 and rather frail. He had a lot of difficulty getting around and needed a rigid walker to support himself. Unfortunately, his house was laid out with many cascading levels, so my client required assistance going up and down all of the steps. Mostly, he just loved to just sit around the house and talk to me for hours. He was very happy to have a caregiver with an artistic background who could appreciate his work. Prior to my arrival, I was informed that he had ran the previous set of caregivers off. Several weeks after I arrived, however, his dementia caught up with him and he was moved to a nearby memory care facility. He had had several paranoid episodes where he felt his life was in danger and subsequently tried to escape the house on foot. Afterwards, the family asked me to stay on and look after the house until such time as it could be sold or rented. At that point my tasks were to feed the fish, water the plants, collect the mail and provide a secure presence.
14. - I was hired by woman I know to look after her 86 year-old mother, whom the family had just moved out of an assisted living center following a traumatic fall that injured her arm. The daughter rented a comfortable furnished home locally for both of us to live in. This turned out to be a more or less 24/7 caregiving arrangement. In addition to that, she was under the care of a hospice organization from the time we moved in together.
At first, the mother was rational and could get around using a walker. And she could dress herself, feed herself and use the bathroom unaided. Before long, however, my client began showing signs of mental instability and started to verbally ramble incoherently for long periods. After an incident involving a unexpected reaction to a medication, the mother was left unable to walk and her dementia slowly accelerated, moving through various phases of cognitive decline. My elderly patient now needed to be physically moved from bed, to a wheelchair, to the dinner table, and finally to a recliner in the living room. And of course onto a portable toilet. And I had to do the bulk of the lifting, which was difficult. Over the months, the mother's symptoms became more severe and she required constant observation to prevent her from taking undesirable actions. It was difficult to keep her in bed and dressed at times. Soon it became clear that I was going to need a number of helpers to assist me and give me periodic breaks. Family members would generally come by in the morning and evening hours to help get the mother out of, and later back into, bed. Before long we added respite helpers in the afternoons and the pre-bed evening hours. On the weekends, I had an overnight attendant who would be on watch so I could get a full night's sleep.
Throughout all this, I was in charge of administering all of the medications, which changed on a regular basis. On several occasions we found a combination of drugs that would produce a stable set of behaviors that were close to what we were hoping for. But after a few weeks, she would start reverting back to her previous difficulties. We also had problems with her regularity, and there were a number of times I was left to clean up a very smelly mess. Eventually, though, this lovely woman began to fade away. She lost weight and slowed down her desire to eat and drink. I had to crush her pills and give them to her by spoon mixed up in applesauce. After 9 1/2 months of care, this beloved parent passed away with her offspring by her side. This was a very difficult assignment for me both mentally and physically. So much so that my doctor recommended that I talk to a therapist.
15. - Currently, I have moved in with an 80 year-old retired businessman and his wife. He has Parkinson's disease which is affecting him both physically and mentally. He has some difficultly walking and goes through periods of falling down. His thought processes are also clouded. Some parts of his mind appear to work fine, while others are highly compromised. He sees imaginary people scattered around the room and sometimes talks to them. He has trouble knowing where things are in his house. I take this otherwise pleasant gentleman regularly to an exercise facility designed specifically for Parkinson's patients. I also shuttle him to doctor's appointments and to restaurants. At night, I monitor his activity and help him with his urinary incontinence. It is uncertain how his disease will progress and if he will need greater professional help.
